My Life! My World!

ahh! how futile!

// March 18th, 2010 // Musings

Siva was the accountant in my company. He was in his mid sixties. A tall and strong man for his age. He goes about his work with utmost sincerity and devotion and held the company’s finances together with authority. He was grumpy, a bit short-tempered and a difficult person to build conversations with. I always ensure I give him a lot of respect when I talk to him, because his age and ego commended that kind of respect. Being a slightly sensitive person that he is, one has to be careful not to hurt his ego, cos he is not the type who will hold himself back even at the slightest provocation.

I had recently joined work, and I had problems with my hardware vendor and wanted him changed. Since Siva had to approve this, I went and presented my case. This had happened a couple of times and Siva was still reluctant to change the vendor as the vendor had been doing business with our company for a very long time. So when I went to Siva once again with this request, he was not willing to listen. This rubbed me a bit, as I was one of the senior guys in my company and I could not even present my case to him! I tried to explain further but he simply shut me off, saying he has other things to attend to. This did hurt my ego, and I came back totally annoyed. Although I’d avoided a verbal spat with him at that moment, I was still fuming inside. With the same heat, I started typing an email to my boss building a case against Siva – I did not want to let this go. I did not like being snubbed like that in front of everyone, that too for no fault of mine. And I couldn’t take it easy.

As I drafted the email and was checking and re-checking it, someone entered my cabin. It was Siva. He came and sat next to me, visibly apologetic, and told me, “Sorry Sir, I don’t know how to talk at times. Please don’t mistake me” and followed that with some reasoning of his as to why we should stick on to the same vendor. I was surprised by this, as I had not expected him to take the effort to come over and apologize. I silently discarded the drafted email and continued with the day’s work. And how much I cherish that decision now! If only he had come a few moments later……

Siva is no more now. He passed away in about a month’s time since this incident happened. And for the period between this incident and his death, our relationship was cordial. He even asked my suggestions for purchasing his new bike. The joy he had when he upgraded to his Discover DTS-i…. And how eagerly he would inquire us when his photograph will be published in our website…… How futile….. A heart-attack. Recovery. Another attack. It was all over.

I am still grateful I did not send that email.